Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The adults are the big ones right?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
