i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
