i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
