I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
