I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
