God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
