If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
