I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
