Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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