whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
