After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
