I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
