I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
