U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
