There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
