Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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