the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
