Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
