Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i dont even know how to be here
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
