Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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