C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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