I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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