i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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