i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
