there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
