Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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