i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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