i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
