He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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