Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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