You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
