You were right. It hurts to walk today.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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