i always forget guys have bellybuttons
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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