I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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