just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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