can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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