Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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