So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
This is my gift to your gina
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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