I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
