You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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