Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
