ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
my poor anus
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
