You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
