As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
