their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
