Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
