420 ftw
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
