Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
