you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
