please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
